| How
To Deal With Difficult Delegates
The
most challenging problems in our lives generally involve
our relationships to other individuals.
When
interacting with challenging or difficult people, a tactful
approach that maintains individual self esteem wins greater
respect and results.
To
maintain the self esteem of each individual (and yourself),
don't allow an attack on any individual or yourself.
Emotional
conflict shifts a person's concern from problem solving
to defending their position.
As
the facilitator, you shift the focus back to the issue the
group is working.
Emphasize
that the session's purpose is to produce the best group
solution. This reflects what's acceptable, workable, and
meets the needs of the group, not the needs of a single
individual.
When
you're faced with dysfunctional behaviour in a session,
it may be handled by you in two ways: direct confrontation
in the meeting or off-line with the individual.
The
I technique and the F technique allow feelings to be stated.
No one can attack another for his or her feelings.
The
I technique is very simple. Here is what you say:
When
you.......
I feel.......
I would like .......
Because....
The
3F technique is very similar and just as simple. Here is
what you say:
I
understand how you feel,
I have felt that way before,
Here's what I've found.......
You'll
discover that the group can also be a source of help to
you and to each other.
We
generally refer to this behaviour as peer pressure.
When
one person's behaviour begins to become disruptive, often
someone in the group will take on the role of mediator,
diagnostician or another role that's appropriate and attempt
to solve the disrupter's problem or identify the cause of
the behaviour.
There
are a variety of problem behaviours that can be detrimental
to the group members and their work.
We
will describe some common types, by their behaviour, and
follow them with strategies to deal with that behaviour.
Dealing
with problem people!
The
Know It All
This
person appears as the expert, wants constant attention and
often argues with people.
Strategies
include:
•
Be well prepared for the topic under discussion.
• Listen and paraphrase what they say.
• Don't challenge -- ask questions to lead them to
see their errors.
• Praise their ability.
• Focus on solutions.
• Ask other group members to comment on what they
heard, redirecting focus away from the Know-It-All.
• Have them summarise their thoughts and record them.
The
Sniper
This
person attacks and criticizes, usually indirectly, masking
their aggression by using humour or saying things under
their breath.
Strategies
include:
•
Address the behaviour openly, asking them why they said
that.
• Ask others if they agree with the criticism.
• Don't let them hide behind humour.
• Address sniping each time it occurs, until it stops.
The Talker
This
person distracts by holding side conversations.
Strategies
include:
•
Say, "There are little meetings going on. May we have
just one meeting?"
• Ask the person directly to share their thoughts
with everyone (use tact and diplomacy).
The
Quiet Type
This
person is quiet or timid. Their silence is often mistaken
for agreement.
Strategies
include:
•
Address them by name and ask them to share their thoughts.
Focus your attention directly on them to create the time
and space they need to answer.
• Commend their participation when it occurs.
• Talk to them before the session, casually, to help
them become comfortable.
• Ask them some safe things early in the session to
get them involved.
The
Complainer/Whiner
This
person tries to put you on the spot to fix it. He or she
blames others and never self.
Strategies
include:
•
Don't be defensive.
• Listen and acknowledge, don't argue.
• Ask questions.
• Solicit solutions from them.
• Encourage them to act.
The
Bulldozer
This
person will try to run over you and everyone else too! It's
their method of stopping progress, because progress scares
them.
If
they can't change, they may leave.
At
a facilitated session, bulldozers may leave the room a lot
and will have a host of legitimate reasons for doing so!
Strategies include:
•
Stand up to them in a non-combative way.
• Don't argue with them. Present the facts.
• Get them into problem solving mode.
• Protect the space of those they bulldoze, by asking
the bulldozed to repeat their thought or by asking others
in the group how they feel.
Hair-Splitting
This
person wants absolute answers and definitions.
Strategies
include:
•
Acknowledge their need for absolute answers and definitions.
• State what you're prepared to give.
• Ask them to honour your work or style preferences
just as you accept theirs.
The
Interrupter
This
person interrupts the person speaking.
Strategies
include:
•
Say, "You interrupted me. Please let me finish my thoughts."
• Whenever they do it, repeat the preceding statement.
The
Staller
This
person tells irrelevant stories or experiences.
They
don't focus and instead give off base types of examples.
Strategies
include:
•
Ask them how what they said relates?
• Help them to be honest.
• Try to find out their hidden concerns.
• Record their idea on The Hangar.
The
Inarticulate Person
This
person has ideas but has problems putting the ideas into
words.
Strategies
include:
•
Encourage them to speak.
• Exhibit patience when they speak.
• Ask them for permission to help them phrase or rephrase.
Now
you have some knowledge about challenging people and strategies
to deal with them. What do you do with the ideal person?
The
Ideal Person
This
person has good ideas and expresses them freely at appropriate
times. They're congenial. They work well with others. They
smile and laugh easily, even at themselves.
Strategies
include:
•
Acknowledge them frequently
• Always learn from them
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